prefer to read the conversation?

Tina: Hello friends, you are listening to the IncanTube podcast and today on this week between the winter holidays, so for me that’s the solstice and Christmas and then New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, on this week between this sort of limbo land, this sort of cozy, settled in land, I want to talk about being in limbo and how it feels to be in a space that is not.

Normal, right? This unsettled space between what was and what will be. And I also want to share with you that I am going to do a Vibrant Year Workshop. It’ll be a free event. And we will come together for like 90 minutes or so, maybe 2 hours, we’ll see how that goes. And go through the workbook that will be updated for 2024.

And sort of set our joy filled intentions and Identify what it is that brings us joy and how to incorporate that into our lives. So this will be a workshop. This will be hands on. We’re going to go through it together. There’s going to be moments of meditation and moments of silence to allow you to journal 

so that’s going to be mid January because I don’t think that we need to rush into January. As quick as possible with all of our resolutions and all of our thoughts. I think we need to ease into it. We are in the winter season after all and winter is all about hibernation and going inward and reconnecting and Assessing what’s happening and what you want to be happening in your life.

What’s working. What’s not which is why The Vibrant Year Workshop is going to be perfect timing for that. So look for that in mid January And also some other news. I am so excited to say that I was recently interviewed on the so and so podcast. Brenina puts out the so and so podcast and I had the pleasure of talking with Meg.

And I don’t know if I talked so mean at all, actually. I think I mostly rambled on and on about joy and intention and adventures in my life. It’s a little different than what I’ve talked about here on this podcast. So if you would like to check that out, I would be honored if you did. It drops January 18th, 2024 and I’m excited to be in my new place.

I’m going to talk about that more when the podcast episode gets going. But I am more or less settled onto the new property. The studio is almost ready for live virtual workshops. I’m so excited for that to happen. And I know in January I’m going to put out two or three of them. One will be on cloning clothes that you already have.

And then I’m going to do a couple of project based ones as well. So, look for that. I am excited to share that with you. Okay, without further ado, let’s get started.

You are listening to the InKinship podcast, a podcast for makers, makers who crave a vibrant, joy filled, let’s even say ease filled life on their own terms.

And I am your host, Tina Vandenberg. Thank you for joining me. Today’s episode is kind of off the cuff. I haven’t been on here in quite a while because life has been incredibly turbulent. But I didn’t want to let 2023 go by without jumping on and saying hello and telling you about the exciting things that I sort of see bubbling up for 2024.

And I also want to talk about how hard it is, to some degree, to be in that in between space. And I wanted to share where I’m at physically, because it’s different than the last time I talked to you, welcome to the episode.

Thanks for being here.

I’ve had a lot of radio silence over the last several months, and part of that, actually probably all of that, is because I have been in the process of moving my little house. You probably know that I have a little house on wheels. It’s 400 square feet, and I have a 240 square foot studio, and I purchased property in early August, two acres in this small town in northern lower Michigan.

And it was raw land. So I’ve been in the process of getting permits. So many permits. I really underestimated and did not value the time and effort and money that would go into permits alone. And so I worked this fall to get the land cleared, like physically worked to get the land cleared with a friend of mine.

And, not clear. Let me be clear. Ha ha. But, several of the big trees had to go to make room for the house. And, um, there are still lots of trees left on that property, because I am a tree lover, so it was like, not this tree! Oh no, not that tree! Right? And now that I’m in here, I’m like, okay, I guess that tree probably could still go.

Right? Understanding that if I allow a little space, if I thin out some of these small maple saplings, I’m going to get big, beautiful maple trees in the years to come. Now, if that’s not a lesson for life, I don’t know what is. If we cull out the stuff that’s sort of all growing, all choking out the growth, then the things that really matter to us, the trees that really.

It is that our heart of flutter have room to really thrive and I’m trying to really incorporate that into my own life as well, into my making practice, into my day to day life. Right. There’s only so much time in life and I have so many things I want to do. I will never understand. When folks talk about being bored, because I have so much more that I want to do than I actually can achieve all the time.

And so I know I shared with you a while back that podcast episode where I heard Matthew McConaughey refer to it as little campfires, right? If you have 25 little campfires, they’re all just gonna stay small, sort of smoldering little campfires. Or we can go back to the maple tree analogy, right? If you have 300 tiny little maple saplings.

Eventually one or two are going to break free and get a little bit stronger. But if I thin out a little bit really mindfully really intentionally then the Three or four that are left are gonna become those big Beautiful maple trees that my little boy is gonna want to climb. Although it might take longer than his climbing years But you know, you know how that goes So the campfire is the same idea if you snuff out several of those small campfires and leave yourself with three Maybe five, and we’re talking like, what are the most important things in your life? Um, and then you have a chance to really thrive. And as somebody who’s multi passionate, I understand how hard this can be, but And that doesn’t mean you can’t dabble for fun. It doesn’t mean you can’t spend time doing things just for the joy of learning to do it and then letting it go.

Like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But I think if you want something to really thrive, if you want to go deep, which I do, I want to go deep into the mastery of my art and I want to go deep into teaching and connecting with people. So I’m really aligning my life. Or attempting to in a way that allows those to have the most oxygen, to have the most sunlight, to have the most energy.

Because energy, I was going to say it’s finite. I don’t know if it’s finite per se. I mean, it is. But I think that when we’re doing something we really love and it’s the right thing for us to be doing, energy can sort of feel bottomless. When we’re doing things that we don’t really want to do or are not what we’re supposed to be doing, I sort of Obligatory or working through life, um, without any intention, just sort of letting life fly around.

I think that can be really draining, so it sort of depends, right? But time is certainly infinite. Just kidding. I wish it was. Time is certainly finite. And so, really focusing on where we want our attention to go is important. And that relates to people and the people that we spend time with as well. And I know the holidays are just in the midst of happening or have happened.

And probably there’s a lot of obligation of where you needed to spend your time and what you needed to do. And I love the holidays. I absolutely adore them. What I love about them is that they take the regular chugging of life and they cause Or implore us to stop for a moment and do something different.

Right? Stop and take a pause and celebrate and be with people we love. And I know that sometimes that’s just full of conflict because you’re not actually doing what you want to be doing. You’re actually doing the things you think you’re supposed to. And I implore you, if possible, and teaser alert here, it is always possible.

But it can be hard and it can be sort of scary. But I implore you to take back your time and the things you feel obligation towards. And the holidays are one of those. And create the holiday you want. Like, if you spend more money than you want to spend at Christmas, set yourself a hard and fast rule. And it doesn’t matter if your sister gives you something that’s over the top.

Really expensive. And you give her some homemade jam and a candle. You have to set the life that you want to live. You have to live within your boundaries in a way that feels appropriate for you. And if you approach that with confidence, it’s all going to be beautiful because it’s really about the intention, right?

It’s about, I’m going to give this to my human because I love them and I think they’re going to enjoy it. And I want to do that out of love. It’s a totally different energy than I have to prove how much I love so and so by spending so much money on them. Or, all the different family obligations that can come with all the different holidays, right?

I encourage you to take back your holidays, because taking back your holidays is part of taking back your life. And you know, that’s definitely the theme for this podcast, is talking about how to bring joy into your life. How to have the autonomy to have that joy. And to choose the kind of life you want to live.

And obviously, there’s some things that are truly, um, part of life, right? We all have to bathe, we all have to eat, we all have to make sure our children are fed and sleep, and all of those things, but the way that we do them, we have more control over than we sometimes believe we do. And we definitely can fall into the trap of the have to’s.

Oh, I have to do it this way. No one else will do it if I don’t do it. I just ask you to really question that for yourself. Is that really true? Is that really, really true? Would they flounder for a minute? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they would do it differently. Maybe something beautiful would happen after having allowed them to do it differently.

I’m really diverging now, but you’re used to that if you’ve been on this podcast for any time. All of those things are on my mind. And so the last several months, I’ve been putting in a well, and a septic, and electricity, and a driveway. And obviously those are things that I hire somebody else to do. Those are not things I can do myself.

And it’s been a bit of patience, right? So I had planned to move, um, the beginning of October. Things had really come together. In this most magical way, and I just felt such an affinity towards trusting the universe. It was just amazing. And then the electric company took two and a half more months. So I’d already moved my studio over, anticipating that the electricity was going to be put in the next week, because of course I’m trying to like coordinate all the moving pieces that the house that I’m currently living in.

I’m not moving for too long so that I don’t have to find someplace else to stay and my little boy doesn’t have to stay somewhere else as well While it’s moving . I knew I had to do it for several days, but So the electric company took another two and a half months and I did wonder like if I believe The things happen for reasons which I do believes is the case.

Do I think that like We deserve this or that. No, I think that things happen for reasons and we have an opportunity to learn something from it or not. Right? We choose what to do with that. But I wondered, um, if it was just the age old lesson of I get to learn patience. Because the electric company took a long time and I was very frustrated.

And quite honestly, for those of you who believe in this kind of thing. When I was first getting everything lined up, I said several times out loud, it’s the electric company that’s going to hold me up. I just had a feeling that way. And then of course the idea is, did I have the feeling? Or did I bring that into being with the belief that I had that the electric company was going to be a problem?

It’s really interesting to consider. I have had issues with the electric company in the past as far as like, Um, sort of being irrational and not me at the electric company, at least that’s my story. And so I have kind of a chip on my shoulder when it comes to utilities like that. So maybe I did bring it into being, I don’t know.

It’s very possible. But anyway, the studio got moved two and a half months before the house did. And then finally the house got moved right after Thanksgiving. That first, very last part of November, 1st of December. And it took about three weeks. And of course, right around that time in other Michigan, we also had a giant snowstorm.

I said a giant snowstorm, but we got like six inches of snow and it got quite cold for a brief amount of time. And the ground, which was all sand, cause it’s been excavated and had been raining a great deal. So the top six or seven inches of the sand had frozen already. So my. My friend who was digging and connecting the water lines and the electric lines for me had a horrible time.

He had to have a pickaxe underneath the house and just It was a lot. It was incredibly challenging. So I felt all the sort of guilt over that, that it was so hard for him to do at that time of year. And also, I had so much to do myself. Like I did not respect how hard it was going to be to pack up a house, move it into a trailer, move the house and everything that entails that entails and then unpack the trailer and move everything back into the house.

And of course I also had some house improvement plans while it was empty. And so I, um, did some painting and put some new finishes on the wall, that kind of thing. And I had the most beautiful experience of. My humans, my, my people, including the man underneath the house doing the truly backbreaking work came and helped me and I just felt so incredibly blessed and also groundless, also unmoored, right?

I was in such a state of this is happening and A, B, C, D, E, F, and G all need to happen today so that H I J K L can happen tomorrow. Right? So like everything was in sequence of it’s of itself and everything had to happen in this perfect dance or nearly so. And it was a really challenging time and I am just now like our Christmas tree went up five days before Christmas I usually do an advent calendar for my little guy and unfortunately like that didn’t happen until five days before Christmas either and so all these things that I usually do I was unable to do and it was stressing me out because I Felt like I didn’t want my life And the traditions I had developed to be dismantled when my little boy’s existence for the last month have been really up in, you know, in upheaval.

And so that really wise friend that was under the house pickaxing was like, are you crazy? You’re in the middle of a giant project. You can’t do all the things at once. You can’t do all the Christmas stuff that you normally do. And I had to really settle into that, and of course this is a lesson that I get to learn over and over and over again.

You can’t do all the things at once. You can do anything you want to do in life, but you can’t do everything at one time. You just can’t. Nor do I want to! It’s not the kind of life I want. I want a life that’s full of space. I want to work hard. I want to do work that I love. I want to create beautiful things.

I want to make things. I want to have adventures, and I want to have space. And I think it’s possible to do all of that. I certainly have talked to people on the podcast who do, and I certainly have experienced it in my life. So I know that it’s about the mindset that I have. And so this week, the week after the winter solstice, I’ve started to reconnect to myself.

I’ve started to reconnect to my land. I’m not fully, my feet are not fully planted on the ground yet, but they’re getting closer and I’m having grace with that. Because I started to feel panicky, right? A little, uh, emotional panic attack. That I don’t feel grounded, I don’t feel connected to my new place.

And here I am, and I’ve done all this work. And the people I love have done all this work to get me here. And it’s property that I own. Which is amazing, really, right? But it also like tapped me out financially, completely. And so I’m starting fresh in some ways. In lots of ways. In beautiful ways. And sort of challenging ways.

And I also started a new job. In November. I started working for a pattern company, Charm Patterns. As a graphic designer. Doing some technical graphic work. And that has been really lovely. And also, a lot of Time and energy during a time when I’m feeling unmoored and that time is definitely, uh, too short.

But what’s really beautiful is that this work that I’m doing, this graphic design work that I’m doing, It’s not something I probably would have been open to because I’ve been so focused on my own business. And of course, you know, if you’ve been listening here that I have been really quiet for the last several months because I’ve not had the energy.

I’ve not had the space to do all the things at one time and right this minute My very basic needs have to be taken care of right this minute. I have to get my home settled right this minute I had to get my finances settled like all of that has to happen and back in August I was meditating and I had this moment of release and I released to God, to the goddess, whatever deity, whatever entity you, the universe you talk to, um, I use all those names interchangeably.

I released the idea or the really,

narrow fight. I had about what the work I did in the world looked like,

and so I released this narrow idea I had of what my future looked like, and I said, I’m, I’m willing to explore other options and willing to explore different things. Now, let me be clear, that does not mean And I’m not going to do my business because I love my business and I love this podcast and I love to connect.

And so I actually think there’s going to be more of that in the future, but it’s going to be more fine tuned. I’ve done a lot of different things. I’ve tried a lot of different avenues and I think I’m going to fine tune it because what I really have boiled down, my campfires, if you will, my little maple trees that I’m going to keep, are I love to teach and I love to connect.

And so the retreats fall into that, teaching live workshops fall into that, and connecting via writing, and the podcasts fall into that. And then, because I need a base right now, and I know sometimes people who work in creative fields, or the artists, or people who are trying to do something of their own volition, like myself, feel like if you work for somebody else, then somehow you’ve failed.

But the truth of the matter is right now,

I need an anchor to launch from. I need a strong platform to launch from. And so, taking this job has been really lovely. I actually love the work. It’s not very creative, it’s very technical. And it is perfect for me, because it allows me to Work in a field that I enjoy, obviously. Sewing patterns are something that I very much like.

And to sort of dust off some skills I haven’t used in a little bit, and remind myself of how capable I am in so many different ways, right? And so it’s allowing me to do that, and it’s really specific. Like, there’s a job that has a very clear beginning and ending. which I adore. I can do it during the time when my little boy’s in school, which was implored the universe to show me what was right for me next.

That was part of my criteria. I wanted to be able to do the work while my little boy was in school so that when I have him, I get to be with him after school. Because I only get him half the time. And I very much, if I can make it happen, want my time to be spent with him when he’s here. But that doesn’t mean like I don’t want him to be independent and do his own thing, because I do.

But I mean, I don’t want to be pushing him away the whole time saying, don’t talk to me right now. I’m busy. I’m busy. I’m busy. Which is what I can be like, and I don’t want that to happen. I want us to make things together, and obviously there’s still like all the parts of living to be done when we’re together, like meals and dishes and clean the house and all of the things, right?

But I want to be more present than what it would feel like if I were working when he was off school. Anyway, so that was a criteria that I put out there, and this job fit all of those to a T. And it’s just this beautiful thing because it doesn’t take my creative energy, which means that. Once I am fully settled in the house, which is, I’m on the other side of that, which feels amazing.

Then I can start to really take my creative time, my creative energy and put it back into the business. And that feels amazing. And I’m excited for where 2024 is going to take me and us. I’m excited to see how it feels to really root myself into this land and into this place. It’s been two years of, uh, sort of no bad living, right?

I’ve spent the last two years living on a friend of mine’s farm, in my little house, and I’m so incredibly grateful for that. And, especially last fall, when I had this autoimmune disorder, and I was unable to sometimes feed myself, and I couldn’t dress myself. I cannot even express the gratitude I have for having my very dear friend near me who would come and make sure that I had bone broth to eat for lunch and help me get dressed most days.

And I, I cannot express the beauty of that. And I understand that possibly that’s why I didn’t find land for two and a half years, because. I needed assistance for a while. But, I was in a constant state of seeking, and I’m guessing you know what that feels like. It feels like, you can’t quite settle in to what’s next for you, because you’re still seeking something.

And I know there’s a lesson in that, right? I know there’s a lesson of being present with where you are, and jumping from there, even if you don’t have exactly what you need. And also though, when we have something that challenges us, I think it really is proving or showing to us that something’s out for us, something’s out of balance.

We need to shift something. And sometimes that’s an emotional shift. Sometimes that’s a releasing or letting go, which I did a million times in the last two years. And sometimes it’s an actual physical. I need to follow my heart. I need to move on to some other place or to some other spot. I need to be in my own lands.

Like I knew that from the get go that when my husband and I divorced, I knew I wanted my own space, my own land from like the depths of my soul. I knew I wanted the security that came from that and the feeling of

Self sustainability, I guess, that came from that. That’s not to say I don’t need other people’s help. I do. Like, I am so incredibly grateful for the people who have come together to help me with a move and to help me do things I don’t know about, like hooking up electricity, uh, digging a well. Right? All those things.

You know, honestly, I think I probably could dig a well. Ha ha ha! Just kidding. Although, I did help my dad drive a well, a hand well, years ago, so that’s probably why I think that. Um, obviously, I don’t have the giant equipment that came in and put mine down 120 feet, but I am grateful for both understanding what it is that I am capable of and allowing for others to come in and give me a hand.

But I knew that after being a woman who has been working since I was 11 years old and doing different jobs, I knew that I could support myself. But what was challenging was that when my ex husband and I divorced, I had been a stay at home mom. We had made a choice as a family for me to stay home and raise our little boy.

Until he went to school, at least, and then worked part time. And at the same time, when he was tiny, I had my own business going as well. So, like, I definitely was working part time during that time. But it wasn’t enough to sustain myself living on my own. And so I’ve never felt so vulnerable as I did as the marriage was ending, uh, financially.

And I thought it’s so hard to be in a position. And I know so many of you can relate to this. I’m guessing to be in a position where. You’re not earning your own money. And that doesn’t mean that my worth in the family wasn’t just as valuable as his was because I was providing a different kind of service for the family.

I wasn’t bringing in the kind of income that he was bringing in, but I was providing a whole multitude of different services for the family, for the greater good of our family. And so it’s really quite tragic though. How vulnerable that makes women or people who stay home rather than work outside of the house if the relationship ends.

And so I knew that I wanted to be standing on my own two feet financially and I knew that I wanted land of my own to feel this sense of security. I obviously, well, maybe not obviously, but. I love being in relationship. I love being in connection. I love being in family. And so I knew that eventually I wanted to re, remarry or reconnect with somebody.

But I knew that in that new relationship, I also wanted to have my own autonomy, I guess, when it comes to property and income in a different way than I’ve had before. I’m settling in and my little boy is settling in and we had Christmas and it was beautiful and we had the solstice where we didn’t turn on the lights all day and we got ready for school by candlelight and when he got out of school we kept the candles on and we talked about what the solstice was and it was just beautiful.

And it wasn’t. Everything that I normally would do, but it was great as it was, right? Because I let go of the idea that I have to do all the things because I can’t physically do all the things. So if I had tried to race around and do all the stuff that I normally do for the holidays that feel really good to me normally, but had I forced that to happen this year, and I did a little, I’ll be honest, but had I completely gone overboard on it.

I wouldn’t have been present and I wouldn’t have felt ease. And those are my biggest criteria for life anymore is that I want to be present. I want to feel spacious. And part of that is a mindset, right? I don’t know how many times it’s sort of like magic, how many times I’m starting to stress about time and I stop myself and I take some deep breaths and I say, I have all the time I need.

I have all the time I need. And at first you don’t quite believe it. And then you do believe it because it’s like

so much of our anguish comes from our thoughts, comes from what we believe is happening. We believe we’re running behind. We believe this isn’t working or that isn’t working or it’s not going to happen how we want it to. And I just continually get to practice releasing that, continually get to practice.

Reminding myself I’ve all the time I need and that falls into my house projects as well, right? Like I started to get into that same Tension of I’m not getting this isn’t all gonna get done how I wanted it to because it took way longer To paint the interior of the house and do some of the wall coverings that I wanted to do Then I wanted and so in my mind I was gonna get all that completed While everything was being hooked up underneath and then move everything back in and move my son and I back in.

And it came to the point where it was time to move back in and the things are not completed. And some of them are, and some of them aren’t. And it was like, okay, that’s okay. What’s the rush? Like, yes, I wanted it to be all finished. And then when people come see me in my new house, I can see it and it’s completed shiny glory.

And. Instead, they’re going to see it in like a 90 percent shiny glory, and there’s like 10 percent left to do. And I thought,

it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s sort of like a friend of mine once said to me that when he does the dishes, this is going to like appall you possibly, he leaves one or two undone. Like he does all the dishes except for like a couple. And I’m like, what? And he said, it’s just a reminder to myself that dishes are never going to be finished.

I’m always gonna need to be doing the dishes. And so it’s a mindfulness practice for him. Not a strange lazy thing, which is of course what my judgment is on it. And I was, that really stuck with me and I’ve been thinking about that ever since. It was years ago. And I’m like, There’s always a house project that needs to be done.

There’s always something I’ll be working on. And it’s okay. There is not a finish line, per se. And it’s okay. And it’s part of what I’m bringing into my making practice. Even more so, right? You know that, because I’ve been talking about it, that as a maker, I can be a rush to the finish line kind of girl. I can be the kind that does like, races to the end so that I have a finished product.

And sometimes I would take shortcuts because even though I have deep skill in what I do, and when I take the time, I can produce a really beautiful product. If I don’t feel like I have the time, Especially if it’s just for me, if it’s for somebody else, I’ll take the time. But if it’s just for me, and I’m sort of squeezing it in, right, and of course, we talked about this a couple of times, like, that in itself is like, problematic.

Like, why on earth wouldn’t I take the time for myself? As an act of self love and self care. So I’m working on that. That narrative is shifting, and it’s going to continue to shift this coming year. But if I slow it down and I enjoy the process, and I’m not so worried about having a product by a certain time, then think of how much more ease filled my life would be.

And think about how I would feel like I have so much more time, right? Because I’m not putting arbitrary, unrealistic expectations upon myself. I get to just enjoy the process. And I really get to thank my friend, Brixanne Camper. She is another online teacher, and she teaches a class called, a course, really, called Skirt Skills, which As a side note, it’s open for enrollment right now, and I’m going to join this next cohort.

I’m going to go through her courses. I have taken pattern drafting classes before. I’ve drafted my own patterns that I use for teaching. I’ve done a lot of it, but I’m excited to see what I can learn from her and her different way of going about it. She teaches pattern drafting in a way that doesn’t require or use.

Any preset formulas, which if you’ve done pattern drafting from other folks, generally there’s some preset things that you’re bringing in, things that have been worked out already that you are bringing in and then you fine tune once you sew up your muslin and you get it worked out. She’s beginning from scratch.

She’s not using any preset formulas and she’s doing this. Based on her experience as a costume designer or a costume maker. I’m not sure what her exact title would be and also her work as a Custom wedding dress maker. And so I’m excited to see what that’s gonna be like. So maybe you want to join me You can join in right now.

It’s open for enrollment. I think for the next week or two I can’t tell you the exact dates offhand, but I’ll put it in the show notes.

If you go to brooksann. com, B R O O K S A N N dot com and up at the top left side you can see that skirt skills opens December 30th and I think it begins like the 11th or something like that. I don’t know the dates exactly. But join me! I think it would be so much fun. I’m looking forward to learning something new and I think that there’s always a beauty to learning from somebody different, right?

Like I said, I’ve done pattern drafting. I’ve done A variety of things, but I’m excited to see what Brooksanne is going to teach me that I have never really experienced before. So she does a lot of, um, sewing techniques that come from the costuming world and from couture, Wedding dress sewing and that’s just a different approach than what I’ve come at it before and so I’m thrilled to do that.

And I think that one of the beautiful things about this too is that I have felt unmoored. I have felt ungrounded physically. In my home, where will I live? What am I doing? But also in my artistry, if you will. I have felt a little unmoored from as well, because I’ve not had the time to really engage in it, nor did I have any of my sewing machines around for several months. Um, so I’m excited to use as a sort of an anchor back into something I really love. Which is the beauty of taking a course, right?

Even if you know a lot, you think, about the topic. It’s always amazing to experience something different. So join me if you have any interest whatsoever. I think it’s going to be a lot of fun. And also, now that the studio is back and running, it’s not fully put back together yet, but it’s getting there.

I’m going to do some online virtual workshops that will be live because I love the energy of a live engagement. I love it for us to come together and do some different projects together. So one of them is going to be cloning ready to wear clothing that you already have. I’ve had a lot of requests for that.

And then I’m probably going to do a couple of different project based workshops. So you’ll see that coming soon. And I’m still putting together the details for the two retreats for this year. So one in the spring and one in the fall. So look for that coming probably in January or February sometime. I’m going to settle back into all the things

And I’ve had some beautiful conversations for the podcast that I’m excited to share with you and new ones I haven’t even dreamed up yet. And the final thing that I’m excited about for the beginning first three months or so of 2024 is I’m putting together a special online show Where I’m going to talk to different sewing folks in the community Different independent sewing folks and we’re going to talk about I think the topic is going to be What do you do?

that You’re told in the or you believe in the sewing industry that you’re not supposed to do Right, or how did you go from being a beginner to somebody who felt like they had more mastery over your craft? I’m not sure entirely what that’s going to look like, but it’s going to be a lot of fun. I’m going to interview maybe 10 to 20 people and you’ll be able to sign up for it and the interviews will come into your inbox every day for like 10 days straight and we’ll just have this sort of like online show.

Of specific conversation around making clothing. And I’m really excited about it, so. Know that that’s coming too. And so once I get that going, you’ll be able to sign up for it. And I’ll send out the link, and we’ll get it happening. Sometime in, probably February, maybe March. Something like that.

Whew! That’s what’s going on over here. I’ve been in Limbo Land for what seems like A couple of years. And I know like, it seems very appropriate to talk about that because we are in that space, between our celebratory winter holidays and the new year. And it can be sort of this pause.

And pausing can be beautiful and it can feel uncomfortable at the same time. And I know personally, I have to keep reminding myself, it’s not time to jump just yet. It’s not time to feel all the ways I want to feel just yet, right? I’m in this space. I’m in, I want to be present with this space and I want to trust that the answers I’m seeking as far as like feeling ungrounded and wanting to feel more grounded.

They’re coming, especially if I trust in that. And if I put into practice the things that I know, help me to feel grounded. So even though this last several months have been really sort of bananas crazy, busy. Most days, I still meditated now during the actual move, like for the 10 days I was actually physically wearing paint clothes and doing all the projects, I didn’t find the time to meditate and I started to feel guilty for that.

And I thought, it’s okay. It’s okay. Because it can feel like once you fall off the wagon, you’re never going to get back on. Right. And I think that if you believe that to be the case. It’s sort of like the quote, I can’t think of whoever did this quote, but whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.

Right? So it’s like, I think we can really influence the way our lives go about what we believe. Our mindset is so important. And so I gave myself grace and I stopped myself from feeling all this shame or guilt or like, oh no, I’m going to lose all these beautiful practices I’ve worked to put into place.

And it’s like, no, I’m not. I’m just reminded of it right now because I need, I’m ready to reincorporate it. I’m feeling the sense of being unbalanced. And so it’s time to make space for it again. And so I started to meditate again , and that felt really amazing. And so I’m not doing all the things that bring me joy because I didn’t have the space for them.

But I’m them now when I have more room, because when you’re actively drowning, you can’t do all the things. You have to simply focus on swimming. Right? You have to simply focus on finding some place to land. And then once you get landed, and you get some solid footing, you can think about eating something, or having a drink.

You know? All of those things. I’m full of analogies today.

Consider that, I guess. I mean, it’s just such a good reminder to me to

Allow the space where you are. And I think this falls into like, if you are trying to watch what you eat or you’re trying to lose some weight, you know, like having grace for yourself does not mean you’re going to just give up. Having grace, I think, is an opposite thing from just giving up on life, right?

So this is the idea of like, if I’m not vigilant about what I eat, I’m going to just eat whatever I want and I’m going to gain 150 pounds. I don’t think that’s the case. I think it’s if you are not listening to your body, then that’s what might happen. I think it’s the act of trying to pretend or trying to not listen to what’s actually happening.

And I think that if we have grace with ourselves, and we tune in to what we actually need, and maybe sometimes that’s a little bit of extra sugar. Like, obviously sugar never did anybody any good. But I understand the desire for it and like there’s a beauty to noticing. All right, I’m craving extra sugar.

What’s actually going on here? And not focusing on the sugar, right? It’s just like with a little kid when you’re raising a child like if they’re acting up and you are in your highest self space, you as a parent can see, hmm, my child is feeling Uncomfortable with something. Not, my child’s a jerk. Look at how they’re behaving.

That jerk behavior, with air quotes here, is not a, it’s not what, that’s not the end, that’s just the beginning. Or you could look at it as it is the end, and you have to get to the beginning. And the actual beginning is what’s occurring that’s creating this behavior that you’re judging as being jerk behavior, right?

And so we have that kind of grace with our kids, especially our little kids, so often, and it would be beautiful, and I’m looking at me here, it would be beautiful if we could have that same kind of grace with our older kids as well, to remember like, My child is acting like this because they are dysregulated.

They are uncomfortable and they do not have the skills yet to know how to shift that, or they can’t see it or they can’t feel it. Like we as adults have that all the time. So if you notice that you’re going for the sugar bowl more than ever, like the answer is not to shame yourself for eating sugar and demand yourself not to eat the sugar.

The answer is to. Ask yourself, why? Why are you craving that? And sometimes, like, we would much rather beat ourselves up than go into that question. Right? We would so much rather

continue to get what we think we deserve than go into

why we’re actually behaving a certain way. Because our behaviors are always connected to some kind of a belief. To some kind of an emotion. Always. So, I had to have grace with myself and be like, I’ll get back onto that wagon and maybe the wagon will shift. Maybe the wagon will change. Like, it’s very likely that I will adapt something different because I’m becoming a different human just like we all are in any moment.

Oh, I know I’ve really been rambling a lot and I’m so grateful for you being here. I do want to share with you this with you as well. I mentioned it at the very beginning, but I was recently interviewed and the honor of being interviewed on the so and so podcast with Meg is something that Bernina puts out and I shared a lot about my journey, and about autonomy, and trust.

And a little bit about sewing. So I would love it if you’d take a listen to that. I believe it goes live on January 18th. Um. Let me know what you think of it. 

All right, dear ones, this is it for 2023. I am excited to see where 2024 brings us once we are out of our pause, out of our space of limbo.

I Look forward to connecting with you.

Thank you for listening.