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#42 – Taking the next right step

Hey there. You are listening to the in kinship podcast. Uh, podcasts for makers, makers who crave a vibrant, joyful little life on their own terms. And I’m your host, Tina Vandenberg. Thanks for being here. 

This morning. I worked from a coffee shop. It’s not something I do very often. Those of you. Who’ve been following me for any length of time. You know, that I work primarily from home. I have both my own business kinship, Pandora. Where I teach women how to sew clothing that they love. And I also do. graphic design work for charm patterns. And I, um, 

Sometimes feel a little lonely in my experience, right? 

Like I’m here, I’m in my studio. I’m by myself. I just have my cat. Who in the ways of cats, when you want him to give you a faction, he’s like, mm. No things, uh, I’ll see you later. And so it was very dissatisfying. Relationship most of the time. And. So I thought. I’m going to embrace being around humans. 

 So I’m sat at the coffee shop. I had a delicious coffee. And I got my sketchbook out and I said it was a daydream and work through what I want to offer in my next season. Of with these. So those of you who have been following know that I am just finishing up season one of with ears, which is my course is a live virtual course. Where I teach people how to take. Uh, core pattern. Uh, it was sewing with nets, which is my forte. 

Create a garment. Get that fit. Nailed down on that garment and then create three additional garments from that initial garment. Because that’s my favorite way to sell right. I love to draft patterns. I love to draft patterns from scratch. I love to have blocks that I can do that with, but when I began sewing, my favorite thing to do was to find a pattern that was pretty basic. Didn’t have a bunch of embellishments or a bunch of details. Once I got the fit really down for me, and I took the time to make that happen. Then using that as a jumping off spot for new patterns. Was so exciting. And so on powering. 

And I think that, um, 

Gosh, this not just speak to life in general, like one to find. Sort of a framework that works well for you. And you haven’t fitted to your unique self. Then taking that framework and altering it. Means that the new things that you’re going to do. Are still going to fit you. So the beauty of doing. This with, with ease is that you start with a garment that you have taken the time to fit. 

We would do that together. We worked through that super fun. Um, sorta frustrating for some people. Until you get through it. And you’re like, yes. Look, I have this thing. That fits me really well. That is the way of learning as I’m sure. You know, like it’s always a slog. At some point in the learning process, it’s a slog to get through. 

And then when to break through and you have success, or you have just an inkling of success where you have like a half success. Whatever that might be, then it changes how that experience feels. And you started to assimilate what you’ve learned and it just becomes this beautiful experience. Anyway. So we take the pattern and you get it fitted. 

And then we use that to create different garments. Changing different elements. So in this series that I. And then I, the workshops that I teach. We do. Typically addresses, but we do. One basic dress and then three more designs. Anyway. That has been so much fun. And I haven’t so thoroughly enjoyed the way that the ladies in this course have just stepped up. And worked through things that can be a hurdle. 

Like all the things come up when you’re learning something new. Right. 

All of the fonts. I’m not good enough. I’m not going to get this. It’s not going to work. Oh, I don’t. You started to like spiral and spin into, I don’t know what to do next. I can’t do it. Even if you just saw all the subs. Presented to you. We have this way of blocking. Ourselves and keeping ourselves small so that we don’t fail. Right. But the beauty of doing something like this with a group of people is that you do have the support. And we have to remember. That learning is a journey. 

And if you just step into the next step as they come along on. You’re going to end up with something amazing. I’m at the very least you’ll have learned something beautiful. And so. As a side note here, I do encourage you when you’re learning something new. And if you start to get overwhelmed, you start to get. Um, 

That feeling of, oh my goodness. 

I can’t do this. So that paralysis that comes from not knowing all the steps that you need to do. I just encourage you to just take the next right step. Most of course is like, 

The best advice we could possibly get about life in general. Right? Just take the next right step. We don’t have to know how it’s all going to end up. And that the same as her with making something like how many times have you. Um, 

Well, there’s just so much beauty to. Getting in the flow. And allowing. The problem in front of you to present itself. And to say, all right, so here’s this? Oh, what have I went in this direction with it? And then try that out. And if that’s not working then like shift over here and try this out. Like to give it, all of that space to work through is such beauty. And so this morning I found myself in a coffee shop. And I. 

Love going to the coffee shop. 

I’m not as effective as I think I’m going to be really ever. But this time I try to work with my own framework and understand who I am, because you know that for me, part of the joy promises is truly understanding what works well for me, what doesn’t and who I am. So I try to work with who I am and now that I’m probably not going to get deep into. A bunch of writing or something like that on my computer, because I am there. 

I’m not by myself. It’s this opportunity to just be in the presence of other humans, which feels great to me from time to time. And so I brought out my sketchbook. And I thought about the second season of with ease and how I wanted that to progress. And I’ll tell you the truth. I’m staring at this blank canvas. 

And I’m like, I don’t know. I don’t know what I should make. I don’t know what. The dresses should be or what the garment should be. I don’t know how to proceed. I sort of knew what I wanted to start with as far as the poorer powder, but I didn’t know the elements of the dresses I wanted us all to do. And so. I just began. Right. 

But I had to get past that first. 

I had to get through that hurdle first and be like, whew. Just begin to start sketching something. This is, it’s just like cutting into your fabric. Like if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. No big deal. Like do something different. Use a fabric for something else, make a tank top because now you don’t have enough for a whole dress. Whatever that might be or chalk it up to, Hey, I tried this and it worked or it didn’t work. 

Whatever the answer is. Um, It’s really about the process, you know? And so I’m sitting there and feeling overwhelmed by that blank. Canvas. And then I’m like, all right, I’m just going to sketch the base address. I know what that looks like. So I think I want to start out with a Raglan style is what I decided. So I sketch that out and then I started thinking about, all right, well, what elements will be fun? 

And I’ve really been into the idea of working with texture. Um, We played with that a little bit at the retreat that I had this past fall. I’m not going to island. But it’s something I want to do even more of, because one of the beautiful things about making something is the ability to slow it down. Right. 

And not just get, like you got 16 jurors, so your success is going to be done. I want to slow down my own practice. And I think that others are craving this slowing down as well. And I want to experiment and I want to take the time to make something extra special. And that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s extra perfect or is extra. 

I guess. 

Perfect. So what I want, but that it has an extra element to it. So whether that’s. I’ve taken the time to draft and create something that’s a little different than I normally would have. Or I’m working with structure or with texture. So specifically I’ve been really craving some Pentax. I also just got this book and I have it in front of me. Actually a deer it’s holding my computer out right now. 

It’s um, a book about smoking and all different ways of smart fabric. 

And I thought I really want to do some experimentation with smocking and knit fabrics and see what I can achieve with that several years ago. I did some stitch lions at the small of my back on a t-shirt dress that I had made. So it was a net fabric, which is what I wear and what I sell and what I teach. 

Definitely my area of expertise. And I sewed this crisscross pattern on the small of my back on my dress. 

And it was so beautiful and it took me, I don’t know, 15 minutes. And I only say that because I just tell you, I want to slow it down into these big, beautiful elements. So like time should not matter. But I just want to say, like, these things don’t even take that much time. Right? Like it doesn’t take that much time. To add something a little special, a little extra to what you’re doing. And obviously this can pertain beyond just sewing and it could pertain to anything it could pertain to when you make the next birthday cake. 

If you take the time to maybe make up some frosting with a different color and do some decorative thing on it, right. Some little way that you’ve made something extra special because you took a little more time. I need a little more experimentation. And you were in your creative energy a little bit longer. So I’ve been doing this mindfulness, Course. 

Because I always love to learn. 

I’m an Intrepid learner. I love to learn. And so I’m doing this mindfulness course. And part of that is talking about being present. Right. And like bringing your awareness behind your eyes and being present, which is a really powerful visual for me. 

And when we get in our creative space, we’re incredibly present. 

Like when we talk about being in the flow, that’s what it is. Right. And like, imagine we could be in that presence. All the time or as close to all the time as we can possibly be like what a beautiful experience that would be. And so I’m craving more of that in my life. I’m working for more of that in my life, because as you know, I’m always striving for more joy and more ease and more. Wonder in my life, no matter what’s happening, no matter what’s happening in the political aspect, no matter what is happening, as far as my health or my body or. My financial situation or any of the other stressors that come in that are real they’re real stressors for certain. And I think it’s important that we acknowledge them for what they are, but also have a strong core. That is connected to something deeper than that because. Things have a way of working out. They just do. And I think that when. We have a deep sense of that. Belief like I have a great example for you. 

Actually. I have some friends that had some trouble with our landlord last year, and they, even though they had lived in this house and rented from this landlord for 11 years. They got evicted. And they were devastated and in our area of Northern Michigan, Rentals are few and far between. And so they found themselves homeless for the summer and lived in a camper. Um, And we’re incredibly stressed as you might like, just like life just taking this crazy turn. 

And they did not have any options to figure out how to, to change it, but they decided to one embrace the experience of just we’re going to camp for the summer. And I don’t know what the winter is going to bring in winters in Northern Michigan are quiet called. And snowy, but they just lived in that moment as much as they could. 

That’s not to say they didn’t have moments of spiraling. It was fear and sadness and all of that, but they lived in that moment of like, it’s all going to be okay. And sometimes you just have to keep telling yourself that, right. I guess it’s going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay. 

And ultimately. You’re going to still live the next a bit of time until maybe something happens that makes it better. So. Why not attempt. To live at period of time. And as much joy as you can, because that period of time is going to pass. No matter what the only thing that you can change is how you feel about things and how you feel about your life. And I think that, um, 

Definitely. This is a lesson I have learned and continue to learn in my own life. So these friends of mine.

Had this really beautiful way of trying to approach this and embrace. The fun of camping for the summer and into the fall. And then I ran into them. I hadn’t seen them in a while and I ran into them. And I was asking them what was happening. Did they find it rental yet? Because they’ve been searching. And then, um, the man said, actually we found a house to buy. And he’s like, And our offer just got accepted. And we’re going to move in hopefully before Christmas. And I thought, what. A beautiful thing, right? 

Like this isn’t quite how everything always works out, but I have found in my own life and I bet you, you have something somewhere that. It happens more often than it. Doesn’t. That. Something beautiful comes out of every circumstance. In some capacity and that’s not just like sugarcoat things and say that everything has to have the silver lining. 

Cause sometimes. Those are really hard and we have to acknowledge that as well. But. 

We can both. Acknowledge something that is hard. And feel the hardness of it and feel the sorrow or the fear and acknowledged that as there. And let it be there. And also. Find ways to ground ourselves and be enjoy and enjoy the life that we have because.

In my experience. Life is full of ups and downs all the time. And even when you’re on the up and everything’s going beautifully and you are about to move into the house. There’s inevitably something that’s going to bring things back down. If you will. And so. My goal in life is to figure out how to maintain.

That feeling. How to maintain my groundedness and my center. And my joy. No matter what. 

Because we can hold space for both things. We can both feel our SRL. And have a base container. I’m sorry. 

So I just thought, when I talked to this friend, I was so delighted because I thought, oh my goodness. First of all, like how beautiful is this? Have they not been evicted? Like if they were comfortable or they were right, they were just kind of floating through. They were comfortable. They didn’t love their house. 

They didn’t love where they were. They didn’t load the landlord. There was some comms like there. But they just were comfortable. They didn’t want to change because change is hard. Change is so difficult for us to do sometimes. And so 

their lives changed UN. Without them wanting it to, and then life was incredibly stressful because we were in all this uncertainty, what was going to happen? Where were they going to be? There was no. Security in that. And I can completely completely understand that fear of security as far as like your basic safety and. That goes. And then. They find a house that they just are in love with and they get accepted. 

Their offer is accepted. And they have the money to pay for it. And it that would never would have happened. Had they not been evicted? So I’m like, Those kind of stories always excite me so much because. You just never know what’s going to happen in life and all we need to do. Is take the next right steps. And I think part of that is finding that toy. And being creative, right? 

As part of that presence. And finding that joy in there. They’re also interconnected. I know I’m very rambling today and I’m sorry. But, you know, if you’re here, you know, that, that’s just what happens from time to time. And so I sat down I’m in this coffee shop. Let’s go back to that coffee shop. I sat down, I got out my sketchbook and I’m like, just begin, Tina. 

Just begin. Just begin. And I started to sketch out some ideas and I did it on a big piece of paper that was not in my good notebook, but it was in a different notebook because then it wasn’t precious. It wasn’t like, oh no, I don’t want to mess anything up. I just let it flow. And I am encouraging my students to do this as well. Especially when it comes to pattern drafting, like just be all right with. Experimenting. And seeing what happens and doing it a second time, if you need to.

Tweaking what needs to be tweaked and continuing on because. That is just going to bring you so much. Satisfaction is so much joy and you’re going to learn so much from it. That you wouldn’t have learned. Had you done one iteration, but like I’m never doing this again. I’m doing it once. So it better be perfect because how many times does it happen? 

Like it just doesn’t. How many times have you made something that you think, okay, next time I’m going to do this as a mess, like. For dinner, how many times for dinner have. I’ve been like, this is really good, but I’ll bet you, if I added a little of this and a little less of that, it’d be even better. I think that’s the beauty. Of the human experience, right. 

Is that where you’re continually looking for ways? To improve what we’re doing. And I think if we can do that from an energy of what I have now is good and it’s good as lovely. And still I can do something a little different or a little better. I can improve it a little here. I can tweak it a little there. So that energy, I think, is what we need to have instead of that idea of. I have to improve those because I have not done a perfectly and this sense of lack or the sense of scarcity or the sense of unworthiness. Like. That’s not bringing us dry and that. That has no place on our lives. I’m not saying we don’t feel it. 

I’m not saying we don’t have to work through it. I’m not saying that. We don’t have to come up with practices. That dissolve that. Practices that heal the nervous system or remind us that. Whatever we’ve done. Right this moment. It’s beautiful. And it’s perfect. And still, it’s exciting to try for a little bit better. 

It’s exciting to tweak it and to fine tune it and to spend a little more time creating this beautiful aspect or spend a little more time creating texture it in your garment, whatever that might be. So. I sketched, I did an unpaper that was not precious to me, like right. We come up with these tools as ways of knowing like, This is going to take down one hurdle for me because that’s sometimes all it takes. And I sketched it out and I came up with actually came up with like six to seven. And I’m like, alright. You need to have three. So then I started to fine tune it and I, I always love a problem. That has parameters. 

So like, I know that. For each of the designs, I want to teach different pattern drafting techniques. So like that automatically gives me a little bit of a problem to solve as I’m working through it, which is super fun. And so I went through and I’ve come up with, I think I’ve fine. Tuned exactly what I want. 

The three projects to be. And I’m really excited about it. And then I’m like this, I’m like, well, maybe I’ll do this one as a bonus. And that one is a bonus and I’m like, Just relax. Right? Let’s just keep it simple. So that people can dive into the depth of what they’re doing and not the quantity, right. 

Because the quantity isn’t going to bring them. The kind of peace and ease and joy that I am striving for my life. And then I’m striving to share in life in general. So.

That was a super fun starts in the morning. 

There’s so much power in just beginning. Putting one step in front of the other. 

And so much beauty. And like, if you don’t know where you’re going, then you can go anywhere.

And at the same time, if you have a few parameters like fraud, We’re on a road trip and you’re like, all right, well, I don’t want to drive more than 5,000. Then that’s going to live it down, right? It’s. Condense and bring you through some kind of a process. To get to exactly.

Part needs to be. In that moment. And so, yeah. That was really exciting today. To work through that and to be reminded of the process of creation and how creation is such a sense of presence. In fact, At the coffee shop. This gentleman came over to me and he’s like, you look like you were having just the best time. And I’m like, are you. 

 What I want to leave you with today after all this rambling. Is. Just begin.

Take the time to get into your creative flow because it creates so much joy. And peace in your life.

And take the next right step.

‘ cause you never know where it’ll take you.

All right. Thanks for listening. I’ll see you next time.