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Ep 32

Tina: Kalita, as folks come on into the show, I did want to share with you. So I teach sewing clothing for women generally, and I can’t wait to have more conversation around this and how that is so connected that as to what you do in your work, like it’s interestingly so, but specifically I have a group that I’m part of in Traverse City, which is, uh, Maybe an hour and a half from my home in Northern Michigan.

And one of the women in that group is a burlesque dancer. Okay. And she’s been sewing her own costumes because she couldn’t find the kind of costumes that she wanted. So that’s how she got into sewing and how she became the sewist is through, um, It’s true burlesque and through wanting something she couldn’t achieve and I just thought so she’s showing us like before she even knew what she was doing and she’s showing us this intricately sequined And she’s like i’m just a beginner and it’s like i’m not sure 

Kellita: My goodness.

Yeah, I I do, you know, I enjoy and have done a lot of of the individual sequence sewing. I, I, I have never, I’ve never done anything but little tedious handwork, which I actually enjoy, which actually, so I, yeah. And, and sewist. Can I just say that, that word? This is your word, is it not? 

Guest: It is, yeah. 

Kellita: Yes. Love.

This is the one. Yeah. 

Tina: And it reads much better than like sewer does. Cause you know, that looks a little bit sewer. Right, no, 

Kellita: sewist. There’s a, It has something. 

Tina: It’s an artistry to it. 

Kellita: Yeah. There’s an artistry right there in it. Yeah. 

Tina: Yeah. Uh, I’m going to introduce the podcast for those of you listening. So you are watching perhaps and listening to the InKinship podcast, a podcast for makers, makers who crave a vibrant, joy filled, lit up life.

And today I have the honor of talking with Khalida Malouf. You know, I didn’t ask you about your last name. That’s it. 

You got it. You got it. 

Kalita, I am so excited to have you here. Kalita is a five times finalist for the burlesque. Like you dug 

Kellita: a little, you dug a little. I didn’t share that, but

Tina: conscious burlesque mentor, a teacher training, and a TEDx speaker. She’s performed and taught all over the world. And she now has a website that you can find out more information about her and what she’s up to called show girl awakening. Kalita, welcome. 

Kellita: Thank you! I’m happy to be here. I, um, just, I feel how your artistry and what you practice yourself and teach, I just have a felt sense of the life, capital L life, 

Guest: that 

Kellita: it, um, promotes and generates.

And I’m so for it. I just feel like, oh, team member, team member! Yes! 

Tina: I’m thrilled to have you here as well. So in the email that I sent out announcing the live show, I did mention that you and I met on a virtual event half a year ago or so. And in that event, like I just, I could feel your energy through that event.

And I was excited to talk to you. I didn’t even know you’re a burlesque dancer, which I find so fascinating. And obviously it’s like kind of a buzzword, right? It’s a really fun term. So I can’t wait to get into it. how you became a burlesque dancer, what burlesque actually is. And then some of the things that we really sort of cross on as far as like, in a beautiful way, in synergy, um, as far as like, I think this is right from your website, your full spectrum aliveness.

Kellita: Yes. Yes, we do. That is a shared territory. Yes. We’re certain. 

Tina: So will you begin? I know this is a big question. But will you begin with sharing by sharing? Actually, let’s narrow it down to an instance. Oh, thank you.

You, correct me if I’m wrong, but you’ve been a burlesque dancer among other kinds of dancing and you’ve danced all over the world. And at some point you shifted from being a burlesque dancer to being a mentor or a teacher of burlesque to, I think specifically women, but women or probably. 

Kellita: I mostly work honestly with, with women.

That’s, that’s been for specific reasons. Yes. And, and, and non binary, but, um, Straight up dudes, for certain reasons, are not, you know. would shift the circle a lot. Yeah. I can 

Tina: imagine. I can imagine. So you’ve shifted from performing to being a mentor and a teacher in a way for people to be fully witnessed both by themselves and other people.

Can you share that transition? Actually, I’m going to go ahead. Yeah, that’s it. No, no, 

Kellita: finish it. Finish it. Can I share that? I think that was it. They, they were birthed these roles or identities or functions that I’ve been serving as artist and as teacher slash healer mentor. Um, they really got birthed together and they’ve had, so there wasn’t a, I had my artist life and then I wrapped her up and then I began mentoring.

I was teaching from the, yeah, I can’t even, both the teaching and the performing started way back, but they became officially, Um, in 2000, so 24 years ago and the ways that I have practiced my art and taught and mentored it have shifted as I have matured. I mean, that’s, that’s, I don’t use that word much, but it’s really true as I have matured and grown and become, um, more of myself and had more of my dimensions and facets.

I had more to share. And got brave enough to talk about it, come out of the closet as a, you know, I tried to hide the this full spectrum, you know, cause I’m, but let me back up, let me back up. How did I have, I think, I think it might help like why and how burlesque, that might be really helpful to start with.

And I can’t get there without mentioning, um, and I’m, I’m a little, even to mention this word, I get, I get just a little bit like, Oh, it’s been used in so many different ways, but I, but I have a quick and dirty way to bring, it’s the trauma word. The trauma word, which has, we need about 25 words for how people are using it right now, but I’m going to, in a nutshell way, share the, the two kinds of trauma.

That I’m aware of that have very specifically influenced my journey and I think influence everybody’s journey somehow is Drip drip and boom boom just to separate those two for a moment and just how evocative yes, so boom trauma short Answer short description is when life is going along something happens And for me, I, it was a sexual trauma.

I could point to that and go, Ooh, something happened and then life was different. And I thought for the longest time that I was addressing or healing specifically that until I was about 50, honestly, I thought that’s, that’s the thing that I’m continuing to reclaim myself for. from and grow. And, and I have since had a revelation that it was more so what I’m going to call drip drip trauma.

Just imagine if a little drip of anesthesia was dripping into our arm or anywhere in our body so that we don’t quite, we can’t quite see ourselves. Or don’t know. Oh, I miss you being big. Oh, good. Come back. I’m glad you’re back. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Um, we switched sides. Ha, ha, ha, ha. All good. Um, I’m very spatially, um, I’ve never even said this, spatially sensitive.

So if I could, I would flip it back so you were on the other side. But I am, I am also flexible. And here I am. So, the drip drip, I’m a bit of a spirulic thinker and talker, so, um, I’m glad that people can hopefully come back and rewind, but what, where did she go? But no, the drip drip is trauma, is the not being seen.

As who we are, because we are creatures of connection, whether we’re introverted or extroverted, it’s wholly different than that. We see ourselves literally through the, our original caregivers, our mother, father, grandmother, whoever raised us. We see ourselves through their eyes and even the most loving parent cannot fully reflect.

their child. It’s just, it’s not possible. So it goes from any of us have from not quite being a little, a little off of how we were seen. And then we can adjust it and grow through, you know, as we do, or quite off happens sometimes. And it was for me, this not being seen parts of me, so severely not seen.

And when we’re not seen by, especially when we’re littles, We cut that, we cut out whole parts of ourselves to, to allow for the possible that, that, not the possibility to allow for the absolute necessary for survival mirroring. So we will shift to what the mirror is giving us. So my arrival at, it was in my later, later twenties.

Um, I was actually, I was in my early thirties when I officially professionally full on. Um, I was so missing myself. I literally looked for her all around the world. I traveled all around the world. I was missing her because I had so successfully cut out parts of my light and my natural expression. Um, yeah, it makes me sad right now.

I mean, I’m tearful. I missed her so much and I, I found her, um, and I knew, and I knew that it would be through dance primarily that I would find her. I had that wisdom. I had that connection and I do, you know, so for both kinds of trauma that I had, the boom, boom, and the drip drip, and I purport. purport.

What kind of fancy word is that? There it was. I purport that we all have some, some version of both of these. 

Guest: The 

Kellita: boom boom and the drip drip. I just, the attention to the drip drip needs to rise because it’s, it’s the sneaky one that we don’t even see it until, if you see me, I’m putting my hands up like an arc, until we slowly, my head is slowly rising, until we get these little glimpses.

And at first it’s just little glimpses of, wait a minute, That’s me. And it often comes from reflections. And so in Burlesque, I’m going to kind of jump into Burlesque in art form, it is, it’s an art form with, um, very, very often, and I think it’s best when, there’s no fourth wall, which means it’s not me doing a thing that you’re just supposed to look at from afar, and Um, consider.

There’s a relationship in the moment. And even, even for those who choreograph their acts more, because there’s a whole spectrum of how choreographed, from more skeletal, just some of it, to, there still is, for any burlesque worth its salt, there’s going to be a direct, immediate relationship with who’s in what people normally call the audience, which I call witnesses.

On purpose. Because they have a role. Everybody in the room is a subject. Nobody’s an object. The audience are not objects. The artist who’s performing is not an object. We’re all s Oh! My body’s getting tingles talking about it. We’re all subjects. So, this You know, I’ll just say in we could talk for 29 hours about what exactly is burlesque?

What is it? And what is it not? And I’ll just say this. Um, I have a dear friend who started along with me around 24 plus years ago. Um, and she, She said long ago, burlesque is when a performer takes the stage, magic happens, and performer leaves the stage with less clothing. 

Guest: And 

Kellita: I love that. And I have come to understand that the, I, I’ve coined a term, Uh, conscious burlesque for the, I’m kind of in an underground of an underground burlesque is already underground and I’m at one floor below or to the side because I’m specifically using it for, for healing, not in a, not in a like, Oh, in a separate way, Oh, I’m going to do this.

It’s, it’s still has the life. It has the life in the, it’s something that is, it’s not, It’s for the artist, but it’s not only for the artist because when it’s for the artist, the more it’s for the artist, the more it is for everyone. But so anyway, so this, yeah, talk, please, please jump in with me. 

Tina: So on your, I love that you just mentioned that.

So I know, I know we’re going to, we’re going to get to these, we’re going to answer all these questions in the long haul. I just know it. On your website, you had a statement that I really loved and it’s, um, make it feel good to you. Like when you’re performing, when you’re doing something and then you will resonate with other people.

And I, I can feel that so much. So like as somebody who teaches women how to sew clothing, so they feel empowered and beautiful and connected in their bodies. It’s this idea of wearing clothing on the outside of your body that reflects who you are on the inside. And when you do that in a way that feels good to you, it’s always going to feel good to other people.

Kellita: Yes. You basically led me into the definition that I use now is burlesque is when a performer takes the stage, magic happens and said performer leaves the stage with more of their radiant essence, 

Guest: both 

Kellita: visible and tangible to themselves and those lucky enough to witness them. It actually, for me. It doesn’t require removing one piece of clothing.

Although it’s fun and useful for choreography, but it’s not that. It’s, it’s, as yours, it’s when someone puts on a garment that they tailor made with their own hands and the love of their own cells and creativity and imagination and made it real and are wearing that, it’s that. It’s the same, it’s the same state.

This is me. 

Tina: And I would imagine, correct me if I’m wrong, but I would imagine if there is any removal, physical removal of clothing, it probably feels very like representative of removing the barriers from your own soul being seen. 

Kellita: Yes. Yes. There’s that feeling. And there’s also the, I mean, most of us, most of the journey of coming home is, Oh, hang on.

We’re having so glad my computer said I’m hungry. It wants some juice. One second. Um, here it comes.

Wonderful. Oh, help me. Help me, Tina. That was 

Tina: I was, I was mentioning that there might be a correlation between taking off articles of clothing and taking off armor or taking off blocks to our own soul. And you said that was one way and there is another That was one 

Kellita: way. And, and there’s most of us coming home is letting complete what is no longer true, which is a way of Stripping off what is not us.

Rather than us learning new things and becoming, you know, making up for some imagined deficit or missing the mark, which is an illusion. It’s this, so it, it’s metaphoric and it’s literal of taking away. What is not us letting complete or letting leave and I my hands keep showing like I’m taking off a garment Oh, that’s not me.

And what’s under that is me. So it’s the Stripping away to the essence. 

Tina: Yes. I love that I wonder if you might share with us when you were dancing as a performer Just to paint this picture for us those of us who’ve never danced like that who’ve never had to perform even like that. So just to set the stage for this, I once went to a live concert and it was just like a local live concert, a small gathering of maybe 50 people and two or three performers with their guitars on the stage.

And there was one performer in particular who. Really embodied that idea of making it feel good for herself. Like you, you knew she was bringing some kind of soul to the performance. She was not performing for the audience. She was performing because she could do nothing but perform this way. Because it just was, you could, you could just feel it.

And it was. It was probably eight years ago and it was so tangible and I can’t even tell you what kind of music she played. I can just tell you to be in the presence of somebody who has the ability to get onto the stage and just show up and do something so purely joyful for themselves. Was amazing. And I can see it now.

I didn’t have the words for this before, but I can see it being that witnessing, right? Like I got to witness her doing that. And then in turn, it opened up something for me. 

Kellita: Yes, yes. That exchange of, I see it as an exchange. And I want to, I’m going to say this just as notes, so you can help that what she set up on some level for her to be able to inhabit that space.

And. And then this thing, this mirroring that was happening, but it happened because she set that space up. So, when I’m,

what allows that to be,

it’s multiple things, but it’s, it’s the artist herself, um, taking care, finding a way to have it be safe for her to be herself. And that’s something that, It’s not a pill we pop. It’s a, it’s a process and it’s, it gets grown with other humans. So we actually have to practice with other humans. So maybe the original humans that we grew up with.

Or some of the key humans in our life we’ve not been able to have that with, that is very often the case. So we, we practice, this is what we do, we practice in, um, in circles where we can actually show up maybe first just for 30 seconds. And, and have an agreement, like, for these next 30 seconds, this person is going, maybe they’re going to improv to a piece of music, or they’re going to do a dance with their hand, or they’re going to do something.

And we, as the witnesses, are going to, can ask ourselves the same question that the artist, whoever’s being witnessed, we’re all ask ourselves the same question is, And this is the question that sets up this safety to be ourselves and then have that, have that expression is what does it feel like to be me on an emotion and sensation level?

And we have lots of thoughts always, and we’re pretty good about even tracking those, but what does it feel like? So if she’s asking herself that moment by moment, she’s able to, um, stay with herself and not, um, not leave. So she’s there feeling, and we’re doing the same. So we’re shifting from, I’m deciding, do I like what she’s doing?

Um, do I understand it? What is this performance? And we’re inhabiting, how does it feel? How does it feel to be in the presence of someone making that sound, showing me this picture, into whatever they’re sharing, yeah? And so we’re together, she’s coming a little more alive. And then each of us in the audience, if we’re open to it, we’re coming a little more alive as us.

And it ricochets back and forth. And what you were experiencing was this gorgeous ricochet, which you were open to and participating in. So that’s, that’s, um, that’s how I see that happening, the architecture of that. 

Tina: Oh, I love that. I love that idea of, so to bring it back to clothing in just a minute. So when I teach.

Clothing sewing. And I teach people to wear things that maybe they’re uncomfortable with, or to really embrace, like in my course, so close your love really 50, 60 percent of it is about figuring out who you are and what it is you love, and there is that container of our group to do that in. But also there’s this idea of like, you know, in my twenties, as an example, I was uncomfortable wearing like jaunty hats or like big scarves.

Right. And so it became a moment where I got to. Sort of fake it until I made it right. So you have to kind of push through that fear that other people are, are wondering what you’re doing and who does she think she is to wear this jaunty hat or who does, who does she think she is like all these thoughts that were in my mind, I had to work through that to get to the point where.

Now, I don’t even think twice about it. I’m like, I wear whatever I want to wear. Cause it feels good to me. And I think that it sounds like you are bringing in the work that you’re doing. You’re bringing people through that process from feeling unconscious, sort of self conscious, worried about what other people are thinking, worried about what their own thoughts are to just being in their bodies.

Kellita: Yes. Yes. That, what, what you did there from whatever you did from going to, I don’t know, that jaunty hat or that big scarf, and then to that, it, it, it’s that journey. And what underpins it is we have to believe ourselves. So we can’t, there’s no crushing of the fear. There’s no, there is only actually a full, a fully aware, appreciating, really appreciating of the fear because it’s there.

It’s not there as on accident and it’s actually there initially to keep us safe. It has just outgrown its welcome. It didn’t know to update how to serve us, you know, so, and the way we, the way one of one way we do that is no, I think it’s really the only way, but it can happen through different, um, in different ways, but it’s to stay with how it feels and respond.

If it, if it, if it. Well, this gets more, there are exceptions to that, but in general, we will notice, okay. It feels okay to wear this Chauncey hat in this circle, right? And then something ships starts to shift inside of us to. Welcome that because it’s, it’s really more this, the self welcome of it as it shifts, it shifts the field between us and others.

It’s this, we’re way more for, for good or ill. We’re way more permeable than we imagine. And so in this dance of permeability and what is me and what is you and how do I navigate? It’s a complicated dance, but we can work with it in a beautiful way which can ultimately promote our connection with ourselves rather than, um, our disconnection.

That was less specific than I wished for, but. 

Tina: That was good. I wonder when we talk about feeling, I wonder, this is. Where I, um, well, let me just say, I wonder how it felt as a performer based purely on my own curiosity. I wonder how it felt if you could imagine, if you could share with us how it felt to actually perform on stage.

And I know that probably changed day to day from who you were each day, but I wonder if there was a good commonality, like why burlesque? Why did you choose? Yeah. What did it bring into your life as far as emotion and feeling goes? 

Kellita: So I’m first going to burst the myth that burlesque is a dance style, because, um, sometimes people imagine, Oh, if you’re going to do burlesque, you’re going to wear a fringe and a corset and you’re going to do bumps and grinds.

And those are some, those are some very, um, they’re highly associated with burlesque and they’re from a heyday. So it makes sense, but really, honestly, you can wear anything, anything you want. Very in aligned with where, what makes you feel good. And you can move with your own signature movements. Most people don’t know they have signature movements until they move in that direction and get curious and start playing.

We all have natural ways of moving. So I was much more of a dance teacher. I earlier in my career and, and I still continue it in some circles, but mostly I, I am interested in what is, what is your movement? What are your movements and helping to enhance them? So how, how I approached it, I think I kind of got it that, oh, I get to play here.

I get to do these movements. Um, what was it? So I always knew I was quite depressed if I wasn’t dancing. Like I really, like, whew! Really hard, hard to, hard to be. Hard to be me without it. Came to know in my late twenties that the forms I’d been doing weren’t the most nourishing. Like modern dance, ballet I quit.

Early, that was, but, but I needed something and, um, it was actually Brazilian dance that I started with in my search for what’s my dance form. And it was the, you know, here, if you see me, it was a, Ooh, it was the shimmy. It was the big, um, victorious. It was the, it was the sashaying of the hips and what happens in the pelvis when you samba.

Those things woke me up to me. They woke me up to me and then I discovered burlesque just I happened to end up in New Orleans I’m truncating a longer story story. I ended up in New Orleans for the first ever Teaserama which was um It really was the event that marked in a global way the, the renaissance of, of the new burlesque movement.

Burlesque as it had been, had, had been diminishing since the sexual revolution, interestingly enough, another story. Um, but yeah, so when I found that in New Orleans, and I literally walked into, it was kind of like a dream world, I, I saw the performances I’d never seen burlesque before. And I felt the humans, because they were of all genders, I felt the humans on stage become more of themselves.

And I feel it in my arms right now. And I, in the audience, I felt like more of myself. It’s like, Oh my goodness, give me that. Give me the purple pill. I want whatever they’re having. And so, I’d already started a dance company. But, Hot Pink Feathers, it lives to this day. So funny. Um, and I realized that our, that was what we already were in.

We hadn’t been removing any clothing, but now I’ve come to understand that you don’t even have to. It’s the, the ethos. I’m not sure if that’s the right word. All these big words are dropping in today. The ethos of that, the, 

Guest: the, 

Kellita: the vibe and the soul and the meaning of what was happening. We were in that.

So. Then it was troop work we were doing and you’re gonna laugh. The first burlesque solo I ever did was in 2002 and this could never happen again today. It was essentially at the burlesque Olympics Which at that time was called the Miss Exotic World Contest and Miss Exotic World Pageant, actually pageant, and it, it, it, um, happened in It was in the middle of the desert in Southern California.

It has now moved to Las Vegas and is a bigger thing. Um, that was my first ever, because the scene was really small. So I just wrote, I just wrote to Dixie Evans, who was the burlesque legend who ran the farm. It literally was a farm. The museum of burlesque was, was on a farm. Um, so that was my, that was my first one.

Nice. And, um, and I, What kept, what kept me there and kept my attention is I could bring any dance style in, in my three to four minutes on stage or three to five minutes on stage, I could, I’m finally coming to answer your question, that was my gym. Rather than getting ready and doing all kinds of things so I can be ready to do my act, doing the act was my getting ready to be me in the many minutes I was not on stage.

It was the reverse. 

Guest: That 

Kellita: was my little safe moment. When my song started, it was like, this is the time it’s absolutely the time to show up and be me. If I don’t, there’s a problem. So I don’t have to worry about shining too much or being too much or doing anything wrong. This is my creation. Just like if someone’s making their, making their garment, they can’t get it wrong.

Right? Oh, so that was my, that has been my gym. 

Tina: I love that story. I have a question for you on that though. Is somebody, all right, so I,

okay, let me back up. So as somebody listening to this, who’s not been a performer, how did you get to the point where you could show up on that stage and not worry or not feel unsafe? Cause you brought, you brought the word safe in earlier on the conversation that in order to show up as your self, you have to have some, you have to feel safe in your own.

Yeah. So how, those four to five minutes that you had to show up fully lit up and fully as yourself, how did you feel safe to do that? 

Kellita: And well, for me, the question is, and why was I not feeling safe to do that in the many minutes I wasn’t on stage, but how, so for that direction, Ooh,

I’m going to be honest here. I’m going to say, I, if someone is not already feeling safe. Um, that it, no, this feels really important and thank you for asking this. I don’t know if I’ve ever quite articulated exactly this, unless someone somehow is, and they just know, yeah, and they’re checking with themselves, am I staying in my body?

Am I staying in my body? If they, if, if I don’t actually recommend anyone pushing themselves to a stage where Where they don’t feel safe yet. I highly recommend the increments 

Guest: highly 

Kellita: recommend, because I’m going to tell you the truth. A lot of colleagues that I have, and I have to

stay dissociated while they’re performing. It’s possible doing burlesque. It’s, it’s not just that since you’re doing burlesque, it’s going to bring you home to yourself. It’s not a given. It is possible to. Perform not just in burlesque, perform in many forms, and continue to do it for a certain kind of validation, and actually not be in the center of yourself.

So,

this is the thing that’s true. 

Tina: Right, and this is true about all of life, right? Yes, it is. 

Guest: Wearing 

Tina: clothing that you wear because your mom said this is what you need to wear. Or wearing clothing that fits the role that you are taking in life. Or any of the other number of ways in which we are not living fully lit up.

Because what the difference here that you’re saying is that you showed up on the stage and you were in your fully lit up self. Yes. Able to be who you were on that stage. 

Kellita: And, uh, and I actually can’t completely. Even put together why I’m just grateful that that was possible. I’m grateful that it was possible, but what I recommend for, I think it’s more unusual to have it go in that direction where you start.

With that, and then I think what, what is probably easier to integrate for the majority of people is to start in, start in the smaller circle that is being curated specifically and grow out. And then you will know that you have all of yourself. And what is that? Is it called titrating? Is that what the word is?

It’s titrating. Titrating. I recommend that. 

Tina: Yeah. And you know, I’ve been doing a lot of research lately on nervous system healing. And so it makes a ton of sense to me that dance in particular, because that’s one of our nervous system healers, whether you’re, whether you’re drawn to dance or drawn to some other kind of movement, but getting into your body is, is a really proven way to help to heal your nervous system and signal safety in yourself.

Kellita: Yes, so titrating is what I recommend. Yeah, I Will say this that folks who are Professional performers who haven’t by some kind of grace just had this thing happen Could highly highly benefit from right from Because the professional performers are used to what does the director want? What does the person who’s paying me want?

What does the audience want? And these are the, these are the questions that for, uh, a DIY creative performing art to be encouraging of our wholeness, we have to revise that those have to not be the questions anymore. The question has to be is what will bring me most alive? And then we know, you and I know that that is going to be better for everyone, but we have to start there, especially for really nice, kind, um, so, you know, I hate this old terms, but it’s, you know, people pleasing or for that kind of people, you know, we have to start there.

And that’s where the beginning of our, of us being human. getting to experience our wholeness happens. 

Tina: Yes. I love this conversation. This is so good. Oh.

Yeah. I was gonna ask, maybe you’ve already answered this though, but I, I think that it’s quite obvious to me at least, and probably to the audience listening, that ultimately the idea of living fully alive, like can come from so many different directions, right? The ve, the vehicle that I’m presenting it to, the world is in sewing clothing that you love so that you can show up as representative to who you are on the out.

On the inside on the outside of your body and you’re doing it through expressing and being witnessed through dance. A particular type of this probably oversimplification. Okay, that’s good. Yeah, there are so many different ways that we can come at this. And so I wonder, and maybe this is where you can, you can clear up my, my oversimplification, but I wonder why, why burlesque is a vehicle that you chose to spread this, this work to do this work.

Yeah.

Kellita: I’m going to be honest with you. The more that, um, the more that I grow and I have to sometimes check in and go, wait, is, should I leave the word burlesque out? It, this question comes up every few years in a way, and it still feels congruent and relevant enough, but this, this movement of the wholeness of the person, I, I’m, I’m really, this is at the edge.

I am at the edge. I’m at the edge of burlesque because the focus is, is. So much on the full expression of the person 

Guest: that 

Kellita: my signature program is and I will come around you notice I circle up is burlesque from the inside out Which we shorten to the acronym bio almost all the time bio meaning life this aliveness Um,

so what I’m choosing is that aliveness more than I am, however, someone’s going to describe what burlesque is.

I hope that answers it. Yeah. And I, what I, what I am extremely grateful for the freedom of this underground world that I’ve been a part of. And I’m still a part of.

Yeah. It’s, it’s allowed me the playground that I needed to find, uh, to find myself. And then to be able to back up just into day to day life. And to find how the art form and life can inform each other. and to take that true freedom out.

I hope that answers it. 

Tina: It does. It does. And I think there’s, there’s so much value. I am so fascinated in the idea of like getting into our bodies, right? So sewing is somewhat physical, but for the most part, it’s creative. It’s mind work. It’s, it’s Might be sketching or sewing or doing all these different things, but it’s not truly physical per se, but so maybe, I don’t know, five or six years ago, I, um, was in a marriage that I’ve now divorced that, that gentleman and we’re great friends, but at the time it was a really volatile situation.

And I felt really disembodied from my own sensuality. Um, in so many ways, I felt really dull. And in fact, yeah, we’ll just move forward with it. So I at the time found, um, Koya dance and specifically in Koya dance, there are two dances that I absolutely resonated with, and one of them was a hip opening dance, which had a sensuality to it and just kind of opening up the body and the other was.

Shaking, which is really another great nervous system healer as well. But when I connected with that hip opening dance, which I was always sad when the class didn’t involve that one, cause it was my true favorite is it just brought me back into my sensuality in a way that nothing else did. And I think that there’s such a beauty to that.

And I love that. That’s the work that is somewhat, at least the vehicle for the work that you’re doing, because I think that there’s nothing quite like embodying something. 

Kellita: Ooh. Oh, I want to see. I want to see how the hip opening dance goes. I want to do that. I’m so not doing 

Tina: that 

Kellita: right now. Okay. Okay. I know.

No, I’m just expressing the, the, the wish, but not, not, not as I’m not saying, but I do want to say that, um, the beginning of my articulating of. What’s actually going on? Both for myself and to share it out loud with other people. Started in 2010. And it actually happened with me getting very, very sick. And during my healing, I downloaded a bunch of um, directions from, essentially, from the Divine Feminine.

I call her the Awakening Showgirl. And she, she said Okay. First, she said, I’m glad you’re deciding to stay, meaning to stay in a body, because I was really sick. Um, I have homework for you. And this homework is to study the movements that you’ve been doing for the last 10 years in the more or less 50 group choreographies and many solos.

Study what are those movements, literally, like pick them out and learn what, that, what’s, what’s been happening. And so I. These are not just burlesque movements, but these are human movements. And they’re, it’s the shimmy. The shimmy and shaking, they’re actually slightly different. They’re cousins. 

Guest: Yeah.

Kellita: Spinning, shaking, twisting, extending, circling, um, these are five of the foundational movements, and they’re chock full of medicine, and you already know from the shaking and circling when we circle our hips, like, so, I, um, in my introductory workshop, we go through all the movements, and their corresponding archetypes, and it’s so powerful, and it’s I mean, you know, shaking is in, there are, there are multiple, um, spiritual traditions in the world for which shaking is one of their ways of, of practicing, um, homecoming.

Oh, 

Tina: I love that. 

Kellita: But, oh, if there was a question, I might’ve lost the pointedness. I got so excited about the movements. Um, there is medicine. Essentially, I was medicating, self medicating, and medicating the people who were witnessing and dancing with me. With these movements on purpose, because they are very powerful and direct.

Tina: Right. Right. It kind of cuts through all of that, like getting out of your brain and into your emotions, which is what you were talking about earlier, is saying like, how do you feel? How do you feel right now? How does this movement feel? How does that movement feel? And then, as a witness, How do I feel when you’re twirling?

Kellita: My, I mean literally, I’m, I’m sitting but I’m circling my hips and I’m saying, yeah, I mean, this, this medicine you experience, whatever, however the hip opening looks, that having, and of course, having that as mine. This is my pelvis. I mean, our wisdom sits in our pelvis. For, for females. That is the home of our wisdom.

Way more than the brain. It’s our pelvic floor. And when we show up there and awaken any numbness. and move with what’s true in our pelvis. Hello. Hello.

Yeah. 

Tina: I love that. Kalita, this has been such a fun conversation. I, before we open it up to anybody who might have any questions here in the audience, I wonder if you might answer a question that I ask all of my interviewees. Yes. 

Guest: Yeah. 

Tina: And that is, what do you think

people should know deep in their hearts that you think they might not know? 

Kellita: That they freaking matter. They matter so much. They absolutely matter.

As much as the sun rising, the moon setting, they matter. 

Guest: I love that. Thank you. 

Kellita: And there’s nothing they need to do. And there’s nothing they could do or not do to affect that. Sorry if you don’t want to matter. Too bad. Oh no, I made, I just turned a wonderful thing into something that someone, someone who wants to flagellate themselves with.

Erase, erase, erase. You matter in the best way. You matter. That was terrible. Cause it is tricky. You know, it is tricky. Um, but there we go. I won’t, I will not muddle that more. Yeah. 

Tina: The healing journey is tricky. It’s tricky. I think 

Kellita: it’s what we’re doing here the whole time. Yeah, 

Tina: I agree. Oh, you ladies here with us today.

Does anybody want to jump in and ask any questions to Kalina? Yeah, no pressure to it’s okay if you don’t want to but we would love 

Guest: to.

Tina: And while you’re thinking. Oh, here we go. Sybil, 

Guest: you want to talk about that? Sure, I, it might be very kind of disjointed. I set a timer to go off to start the, you know, thing, and then I turned it off and got distracted. It didn’t get on until just a few minutes ago, but I’m fascinated. I’m going to have to look at the recording for sure.

You were both just fascinating. This is just, I mean, I’m like, Oh my goodness, this is a lot more than just sewing. So, um, just the last few minutes that I’ve heard, uh, I was going to tell you that I have been very fortunate at our YMCA. We have a, I have a woman who has become my friend and, and she does a yoga that’s very, different.

It is called K A I U T. Wow. It’s K A I U T yoga and she went to India and studied what true yoga is and then she went to Denver, Colorado and there’s this Man named Francisco Coyote, who was a chiropractor. Anyway, he was injured at five years old by an accidental gunshot in his hip. And he was in pain all these years and he became a chiropractor.

And then he’s developed this yoga that is for healing. And it’s, it’s very fascinating. And I’m just so blessed that here in my little town, I can go with my Medicare, silver sneakers and get this. Why? Get, go to the Y and we have an hour and a half session twice a week and we lay on the floor and put our feet up the wall.

And, and it’s, she says, yoga is about hygiene. It’s like brushing your teeth. It’s letting your body brush your teeth. And she’ll talk about how we’ve had a brainwash at night and to, you know, work these lymph glands. I mean, it’s just very holistic and it’s not a bunch of different movement. It’s just. It’s very slow.

It’s just very different, but it’s it’s therapy. I mean, it’s yeah, yeah, three hours of therapy. So I just thought I would, it’s very interesting to me. I kind of, I don’t, I was divorced for 16 years and I only, uh, in November, I might could trust a man again. So I have this very sweet gentleman friend and I had five kids and I was like, you know, I just was surviving, you know, and I, and now it’s a, it’s a real blessing I’m living with my daughter and her, her husband and it’s their house and I just help with the dishes and feed the horses and stuff.

So anyway, it’s good. Life is good. Life goes on and I’m learning more about. My own sensuality and I can maybe trust, you know, again, so thank you for the, and I will listen to the recording. 

Kellita: I love this Sybil and um, whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. 

Tina: I want to tell you Sybil, I’m looking at your camera here and like your skin just glows.

Kellita: Yeah. 

Tina: Well, 

Guest: I haven’t even had a shower yet, but anyway, I’m just working. I’m just working this morning, but I thought these ladies know what’s going on. You know,

we got to connect, you know, I heard there’s a book and I’m a little shy to download it cause it’s on, uh, on audible cause my sister and I share the account and it’s called come as you are. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it. I haven’t. I haven’t. It’s a good book. Oh no. Well, yeah, we do audio books, but I’m like, well, you know, we’ll see.

It’s just all this news is news 29 years of a not too great marriage and lots of stress and two kids with type one diabetes and. You know, lots of things, but anyway, we’re still growing. We’re not, we’re not big.

Tina: So it was so great to see you. I should say too, just real quick. So I, last year I interviewed Kitty Wilkins and she talked on that podcast about come as you are and how it just her experiences, but how I’m going to paraphrase it. So. Check out that podcast if you want to, but either way, just check out the book.

Cause I think that it’s really powerful. Is 

Guest: it your quad head Tina? Yep. Yep. Okay. I just want to say, you are so beautiful and sweet and your spirit just comes out, Tina, and I appreciate it. Yeah. Well, you can come back anytime you 

Tina: want. Thank you. Thank you.

Anyone else want to chat with us today?

Kat? Hi, how are you? Hi. So Lina, I’m curious. Now, after all of these experiences and all of the different types of dance and finding what you like to perform, what do you dance for yourself by yourself? Mm hmm. Same way. Same way. Because again, I, I don’t consider burlesque a dance style. My, the way that I dance is, it’s very unique to me.

And it is the same when it’s for me, but for others, it’s the same. Let me drill down into that. Yeah. Where does your body want to go? Like, what is it? Is it that, is it all in that pelvic floor? Hips? Is it a two step? Like, where does your deep down? What do you want to do when you’re just not even thinking?

Does that make sense? Did that make sense? Um, I think that there isn’t a one note answer, but I have, um, movements that are really, that feel like me. Yeah. That’s what I’m going for. Yeah. The movements that really feel like me. Um, 

Hmm. 

Kellita: I mean, this might sound sort of generic, but, um, I work with a lot of arm extensions, very hard opening.

Um, I work with a lot of hip circles. Okay. Um, I can’t, I can’t not do it as I speak of it. Yeah, I know. So you said that I’m like, and I, and often, I mean, if it’s, if it’s to music, um, different parts of my body express different parts of the music. So maybe my, my limbs might be expressing one part, like the melody.

Um, and a shimmy in my bottom might be expressing some other little percussion or, you know, so it’s, uh, allows, um, I mean, it’s a conversation, it’s a conversation. So it’s not that there’s a one note that I’m needing. It’s that I’m talking with myself and the universe and whoever is there. And it’s responding.

It’s, we are not islands.

No, we’re in conversation the whole time. We’re here 

Tina: and I started recording. I was sharing with her that I love to dance. Like it’s just, it’s in my bones and I’ve never formally danced anything other than I just love to dance. And so if I’m anywhere where there’s music, like there’s some part of me moving and somebody will ask me to sing something or to like, tell them what the beat sounded like.

And I’m like, I can’t do that, but I could probably dance it for you. Which is funny. Cause like I can. That’s how my body feels music. And I, um, it’s so beautiful when we just give ourselves permission to just be who we are. Right. Cause like for the longest, I’m like, I remember lyrics. Why can’t I remember the way as melody goes?

Like, why can’t I like, why can’t I do this? And I’m like, cause that’s not how I hear it. I hear it in my 

Kellita: body. Yeah. There you go. Your body, your body hears it and remembers it. Yeah. Which is so funny because, you know, Tina, for me, the, the music and the lyrics are what are, but what I, which was awesome to see you by the way, last weekend, um, for you in a second, um, I, in my dive studio, I have mixes that I’ll turn on.

And so I’m working with yarn and doing things. That’s a whole nother thing. But like, I have. Yeah. Mixes they’ll turn on and that is the getting down with my bad self in the studio and it’s like I’ll get down there and I’ll have my wake up music of it. I’m like, okay, now we’re going to just turn this up because my son’s not going to come down and yell at me about turning it down.

Because he does. And, but that dance that’s like where it’s, I don’t know, it’s the shake it off, I guess. And like, that’s, I know, sorry, the song, but sorry, my computer is dying and so I’m trying to multitask here. It just happened to me. I was late coming to listen to the podcast I wanted to do last week, but I was late coming on to listen this week because I had another Zoom meeting and my computer basically died from that.

So, but I, I don’t know, when you’re talking about the flow of, like you said, the movement of your arms, but what Lorraine said was the flow of your arms and legs and limbs. Because when you started doing that, that’s what it looked like. It was like the flow of it, where it was flowing through you. And I don’t know if that’s, but that’s where my brain went.

So I’m always curious about kind of how different people do that. I don’t know if this, the, the flowing through some, there are trance states that people reach with dance, but I’m, I’m not interested in. That, you know, sometimes they want to kind of like actually like disappear into the cosmos. I have, um, that’s, that follows kind of the path of transcendence, which most major religions are about transcending the body.

Oh, 

Guest: I just meant 

Kellita: the feel. I just meant the feel. Yeah. Oh, the feel of it. Well, I, yeah. So I’m focused on imminence, which is coming down, coming down into the body, literally, and even like rooting into the earth. So, so this, while it is a flow, it’s not a flow that I’m surrendering my body to be in. It’s, it’s still me.

It’s me. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. 

Tina: I like that. That embodiment, that embodying what you’re experiencing. I love that. 

Kellita: As which is interesting. I’m a air sign. And when I have tried to do some like mindfulness meditation, I felt like I was being totally disconnected and kind of freaked out the counselor who was trying to help me with it.

Cause I’m like, Nope, Nope, Nope. Because I felt like I was floating away. Yeah. Yeah. And so I was like, Nope. Got a ground, got a ground, got a ground. Get around. Yeah. So like hearing that, I’m like, yes. Double air sign. So I get it.

Tina: But like, look at you air size. I’m a fire. So I’m like, I don’t get,

you were asking. So you’re, I know that you’re, for those of you who are listening, Kat has also been on the podcast. So you can go back to last. And she’s been on the podcast. She’s, uh, A yarn dyer for lack of a broader term, but she’s most, most beautiful, gorgeous shades of yarn. And I, I love how I actually, when I saw you pop onto the call, I thought about how Kalita was talking about when you make it feel good to you, then that’s going to resonate with other people.

I’m like, that’s exactly what you do with your yarn. And that’s so beautiful because like you make colors that just like resonate for you. 

Kellita: Well, what was so funny is that when you said, when that conversation was happening, I popped on, my brain was going to the other end of my brain, to the music end of my brain, because I’m a musician.

And when I saw you on this weekend, I was actually playing music with my dad. And it was, I tend to talk when you were talking about what the director wants and what the audience wants. And I don’t want to perform it. I don’t want to play it if I don’t feel it. Yeah. If it doesn’t, if it don’t get that, Oh yeah, that was good when from playing it, I don’t want to.

Yeah. It’s like, I can’t fake it. Like anything else. I love that. Yeah. That really, that really resonated because my, I’ll be like, Hey, I want to learn this song and I’ll talk with my dad and we’ll work on it and whatever. But, um, I’m not trying to hijack, I’m sorry, but it’s, if it doesn’t, if it doesn’t, I don’t know, hit that spot.

And I’m like, it’s just not there today, or, oh, it’s just not there. And I can feel when going into a song where I’m like, ah, we’re gonna have to get through this one, but it’s not giving that, ah, yeah, today. So like, almost like trying to find the rhythm and not just the outward rhythm, but the rhythm in within that of the music where it’s not a, a beat that you’re finding.

It’s really like deeper than that. 

Tina: Yes. So. I love it. Thank you, Kat. Yeah.

Anyone else want to come on and say hey to us? We’re right about the hour. Gonna end the call soon, but if anyone else would like to, no pressure again. Well, while folks might be thinking, Kalita, it has been so lovely to talk to you. You have so much beauty that you’re offering the world. And I’m going to put into the show notes, like your link, you have a TEDx talk, you have a beautiful website full of your whole story, which I found really moving to read and very much again, that witnessing, right?

You witness somebody else’s journey and you can see yourself in it. And it’s just a beautiful thing. Um, particularly when that person finds a way through or to become more alive, whatever that means. So for those of you listening to the, for those people that are listening to the podcast today, how can they find you online?

Kellita: Oh, you can find me at showgirlawakening. com and You can also find me on Instagram, but if you want to, you know, all those things are kind of fleeting that could all go away. The best way is to take my archetype quiz and then you’ll receive notes that will fly to you through the ether and arrive in your device.

It would, basically, that’s a, that’s a very, um, mystical way of saying, you can sign up to hear from me via email, and then we’ll actually be in contact, even if all the social medias go kapoof, that’s probably the best way. And the quiz is the most fun way to do that. You’ll find out your showgirl, showgirl awakening archetype.

Tina: That sounds like a lot of fun. All right, that link will be in those show notes as well. I want to thank all of you for being here today. Kalina, I want to thank you for being here. I really appreciate what you’re doing in the world and I love seeing your shiny and beautiful face today. So thank you. Ditto, 

Kellita: ditto, ditto, triple, quadruple.

Thank you, Tina. All right, all of you have a most wonderful day.

Look at Sybil radiating, 

radiating.