Despite the new growth and expansion all around me, all those sweet plants reaching for the sun, I’ve been a fallow time of my life.
A time of wishing to pull in and hunker down. A time of little ambition, fractured confidence, and lots of feelings. I time of so, so, so many novels, I mean more than is actually decent, greedily read by the glow of my phone late, late, late into the night. An escape to be sure, but also as a way to remember and witness the human experience in a way that only books can so clearly, and honestly, share.
And finally, in a life of continually striving and pushing, I’ve heeded the call to stop pushing and moving, but to simply be when the wind has left my sails. To trust that the fallow time will leave a ground that is fertile and ripe for ideas, ambitions, and desires to spring forth. (so many analogies!!!)
To trust that this state I am in is not, contrary to the shrill voice in my head, forever. But simply where I am right now. And let me tell you, the moment I gave myself permission to not be productive or stive, to set things aside for a while, I felt this overflowing sense of peace and calm.
Honestly, I’m so proud of myself! And, after a short-ish time, I can already feel the possibilities start to swirl back into life. The pull to make and create and be engaged more actively is strengthening.
How exciting! The cycle is starting to begin again!
Speaking of cycles, my life made more sense when I started living life in awareness of cycles…seasons of the year, a woman’s monthly cycle, the cycles of the moon, the energetic cycle of creating or working. (A favorite book on the topic is Do Less by Kate Northrup)
You know how sometimes you can do a thing and it’s total drudgery. I mean, you barely drag yourself through it and it’s so bloody painful. Everything goes wrong, it takes 4 times longer than you expected. And then the next week, you sit down, begrudgingly, to do the same thing and it’s effortless.
Everything flows, it all goes right, it takes minutes to complete. That right there is how I know if I’m living in flow with my energetic cycle or not. And the more I can line up my life with where I am in my personal cycle, the more flow I get in my life. It’s truly miraculous.
The cycles I’m speaking of…and while these can be seasonally aligned, they are also the flow of the moon cycle, my monthly cycle and creating.
- Spring energy – planting seeds – emerging with new ideas and possibilities
- Summer energy – watering and tending growth – fully engaging in the throes of creating
- Fall energy – bringing in the harvest – wrapping up the details, and accessing where you’ve been
- Winter energy – going into a deep sleep – allowing space and time, fallow, restful time, before engaging again
I have a tendency to skip right over the rest time and, while my head already understands the importance, my heart is pulling it in more deeply. Always learning and growing…especially while at rest! (who knew!!) And while it may be spring/early summer on the calendar, I’m honoring where my energy is…fully seated in winer.
Dear one, where are you in the cycle? Which phase do you try to skip right over?