Sometimes it’s so hard to accept that we can only do so much at a time, and yet it’s also freeing. The surrender.

Surrender…often looks like a kicking-and-screaming-followed-by-peaceful-acceptance cycle for me. Over and over. Maybe someday, I can bypass the kicking and screaming!

This blue merino wool jersey dress from January is the last garment I’ve made myself with the exception of a sleeveless tee used to teach a class on hand sewing. And I’ve been feeling the doldrums in my closet!

It’s been months since I’ve sewn anything on my sewing machine. Wait, that’s not entirely true…I recently made a rocket ship costume for my boy. To lackluster review. Maybe that’s why I forgot about it.

I’ve spent the spring immersed in building my business through Marie Forleo’s B-School (and then a million more classes/workshops…I’m a starving sponge for knowledge) and care taking/being with both my Dad and my Dad-in-law, who were both in ill health.

I have moments of disappointment that I’ve not made space, energy or time to get my “make” on, but then I try to remember, and embrace, that there are different seasons in life and the last few months have been for caring for family. There’s only so much I can do at any one time. I’m incredibly grateful that I had the room to spend weeks at the hospital with my Dad and that I was able to visit my Dad-in-law several times this spring before he passed.

Learning that I can’t cram everything in ALL the time has been a tough lesson for me.

I get this fear that when I let something go to make room for something else, that thing I let go will be gone for good. “See you later…I’m outta here”. That I’ll never do it again, get it again, have it again…you get it. Such a scarcity mindset.

If I look at it honestly and gently that has simply not been the truth. And, also, it’s okay if it leaves for good, as long as I’m mindfully living…checking in with my heart and body to be sure my needs for creativity, movement, connection and growth are being met.

Cause that’s really what I want, right, to feel great. To feel empowered, strong, at ease and engaged.

So, I’m trying to be gentle with myself and reassure my Make 9 List of garments from January, that I’ll get to you…or not…and that’s okay. Tomorrow, though, I’m going to sew up a dress with that sweet ochre double gauze I got for my birthday.

I think.

How do you deal with “seasons” in life? Do you feel the deep disappointments that I do? Are you able to surrender and still feel abundance in your life? I’m working on that. Abundance.

I recently committed to a 40 day mediation with a group and I’m still trying to get 40 days in a row, 50 days later. I’m on day 5…again. I’ll get there.

The point though, is that during the mediation, after each inhale and each exhale, you hold your breath and, in you head, repeat a mantra of your choosing. When I hold my breath after I exhale, I start to panic. Irrationally…like oh no, I don’t have enough air, I can’t breath, I don’t have enough…ahhhhh, I’m going to die! There’s not enough for me. Gah.

Soooo…rather than panic about death from lack of air 500 times during each meditation, I started repeating to myself during that time that I have abundance, I have enough. And, miraculously…it works! I relax and now, I’m pleased to say I can hold my breath after the exhale and calmly repeat my mantra in my head!

Turns out, I’m not going to die from lack of air in 2 seconds. Abundance. I have enough.